Ava, I've just got off the train from orientation. Martin's here. Martin Blackwood. Things are worse for him than I'd thought. The Lonely's started overtaking him. And he told me he loves me. There's something very wrong. I think it must be affecting his mind.
Obviously it doesn't. But him feeling lonely because of the Lonely might make him reach out for anything or anyone familiar. Like a drowning man grabbing a life preserver. God only knows.
He was oozing loneliness. Everyone in the car where he was started sobbing halfway through our conversation. They all felt so alone, disconnected. There were twelve of them.
[He knows every one of their names. But he'll leave that out.]
[Well, what else could it be? Martin can't really be in love with him. That's... it really does boggle the mind. And apparently, he is going to mention.]
You don't need to follow up. I can just give you their names.
[He lists off twelve names and descriptions, hating that it comes to him with such easy and intense clarity.]
He looks like he hasn't been eating. Or sleeping. I don't know what exactly Peter's been doing to him. What their 'deal' was. He has to be stressed. We didn't talk terribly much. I'm not supposed to talk to him. And he won't tell me what's going on at home. I told him he could contact you if he needed something, though. I can give you money if he needs it for something. Or permission to buy things, himself.
I'm worried about how you managed to remember them all. But fine. I'll see if I can get a Statement or two.
[ Written, but that needn't be said. ]
So basically, the same as you. Stressed, not eating, not sleeping. Not talking to people. Seems to be a running theme.
He's not going to reach out to me. You know that, right? He doesn't even know who I am. And no, don't give me money for him. He probably won't allow that either. I'll try to find him and talk to him and see how he wants to proceed. I'm guessing he's a Sub by your description. I'll help him out.
[It's a problem. He's trying not to think about it... or the fact that Martin had suggested he go collect Statements from the people in the car. That had been one of the things to hurt the most. Jon has no desire to feed off the misery Martin creates.]
I can't eat. It's not exactly a choice.
[Never mind that he sometimes neglected food when he could eat.]
Yes, he's a Submissive. He's about 5'8", thinish, but still sort of round and soft-looking. Big brown eyes that follow you trying to figure out what you need so he can fuss over you. Long lashes. Caucasian, freckles, curly brown hair. Dresses like he's a pensioner on a very tight fixed income.
[Jon might have no room to speak when it comes to discussing how other people dress like old people.]
And if he hasn't got hold of the Lonely inside him, you'll feel him well before you see him.
You weren't eating much when you could. That's my point. I'm not stupid.
[ And she is already Done with this, because it's really clear that Jon cares very much for Martin but is in some kind of ultimate denial, and she's not interested in that. ]
Long lashes. Really??
Shouldn't be hard to find him, provided he doesn't fuck me up. You should text him, you know. Establish a lifeline again. And he should be pretty aware of how fucked up Duplicity is.
Not stupid. But I'd appreciate it if you could be a little less observant.
[Deflecting with sarcastic humor? Deflecting with sarcastic humor. Also ignoring her parroting that particular line. Maybe it was a mistake to be quite so specific.]
I don't know what his username is. I gave him mine. He might contact me. Maybe.
No can do. If I was less useful, you'd ditch me and find someone else.
There's a directory, you know? But then, it's not unheard of that it wouldn't be listed. I'll go down to the apartments to find him. I'll slip him a note so he doesn't think I'm a fucking creep.
[Don't sass him if you don't want to be sassed back, Ava.]
I didn't realize, actually.
[Admittedly, for a millennial, he's not always the best with technology. Jon would like to tell himself that's the Eye's influence on him. But it's... not.]
Trust me, he's used to creepy. Jane Prentiss spent weeks stalking him before she attacked the Institute.
[Ow. Jon's willingness to tease back and forth diminishes markedly when she reminds him he set her on fire.]
No. I'm sorry.
And I'm fine. Martin's going to be the one with trouble here if he can't get the Lonely under control. He was good with people before I went away after the Unknowing. Everything changed after. Or it was changed. I suppose life goes on without you.
I don't want your apologies. I know you're sorry. I want you to keep me in the loop next time. We have an opportunity here to help you. To help Martin. Don't hide shit from me. I'm not useful to you if I'm dead.
Martin made a choice, Jon. Why he did it, I don't know. But it's his choice. Just like it's his choice to love you and tell you that's how he feels. And you had to get the Eye under control, too. This isn't just about him.
Let me try to help him. I'll try to pave your way to get him safe.
I didn't know I'd been cursed. Not until after I'd hurt you. I've never been cursed before. What was I supposed to tell you? Some teenager kidnapped me after work for HUNTR and dragged me into an alley before teleporting away when I did my 'spooky eye' things at him? Or that I was teleported out of the Gray Room after being found by its proprietor and told to get out? It didn't seem like there was anything wrong. Maybe the start of the curses were delayed because of the Beholding?
And he did it because Peter Lukas is holding an axe over everyone at the Institute. Martin feels responsible for other people. He always has. Whether he should or not. Christ, he got split up from me and Tim when Prentiss attacked and spent days apologizing to me over and over again for it. He made the choice that sacrifices himself for everyone else. Which is massively stupid, of course. He is when he's not being shockingly clever and competent. God, but when he is stupid, it's absolutely infuriating. He should be smarter than that. I know he is. He can make better choices. I've seen it.
[That might be a bit of a rant, but...]
Just let me know if you need anything to help him, all right? Or if you need it. The Lonely isn't a thing to be trifled with any more than the Beholding.
'Hey Ava, some asshole kidnapped me and may have done some spellwork. It was really weird and I'm not sure what happened. Can you help me look into it?'
Wow. So hard. We might not have had any good answers, but I would have been aware of what's happening. For someone who is bound to an entity of knowledge, I'd think that would make sense to you. Having the knowledge to understand things, prepare, and fight them. But that isn't the point. I'm not mad at you.
Oh, yeah, I can't imagine what it's like to hear someone wanting to sacrifice themselves for the supposed good of others. Can't even imagine it. Maybe it's because he felt like he loved someone enough to try to help them. Or that they were more important than him. Hmm.
I'll let you know what happens, one way or another. I promise.
Yeah, uh, maybe? That would be helpful, so I know who to protect you from when they come after you with pitchforks and try to murder you this time.
[ Christ, Jon. ]
Yes, the pocketknife to stab yourself with. Because harming yourself for other people is a great alternative. This is what I'm talking about. But I'll leave it for now. I really don't want to yell at you but seriously, we need to think up a better game plan. You need to learn self-control. Or limiting in a healthy manner.
It's fine. I want to help him. Let's just hope this goes okay.
[He's going to answer the second part of this first.]
It should be effective if I'm weak, at least. That's what matters. Self-control can come now I can actually read Statements again.
The first was a Vanessa Ives. I texted her to apologize and warned her to keep away from me. She seemed to agree with that.
The second was Vash. He followed me after and demanded I let him help me. He's sent along a written Statement and plans to continue.
The third was Dorian Gray. I, um... it was payback for when he attacked me for HUNTR.
The fourth was Zexion. That was payback, too. He tried to steal one of my Statements. Then he stole my lighter. Then he used some sort of magic to silence me and hold me on the floor with ice when I went to get it back.
The fifth was a man named Judar. He's a magi--some sort of magician. He encased us in ice after and made it... very clear I shouldn't do that again.
The sixth was a young man named Tim Drake. I think he's some sort of crime fighter.
The seventh was another young man named Noah Czerny. He's dead. Was dead. Or will be. He doesn't work in linear time after he was murdered on a ley line.
Those all happened after hell. Within about a, um... two week period.
I tried, Ava. I swear I tried for some of them. I mean, not for Dorian or Zexion. But the others. I promise. I just stepped out of the museum to go home or to get a drink. And they were just there. Like they were waiting for me. I tried to tell Vash. I tried to make him run away, but he wouldn't.
I worked. The staff would sometimes go out for drinks after work. I didn't really join them much. Maybe a few times. It's awkward having your boss out with you, isn't it?
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winterfish
un: thearchivist; text
Date: 2019-08-18 10:26 pm (UTC)Martin's here.
Martin Blackwood.
Things are worse for him than I'd thought.
The Lonely's started overtaking him.
And he told me he loves me.
There's something very wrong.
I think it must be affecting his mind.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-18 10:40 pm (UTC)I didn’t realize the Lonely facilitated love confessions.
Lucky you.
What do you mean by “overtaking him”?
Give me concrete details.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-18 10:47 pm (UTC)But him feeling lonely because of the Lonely might make him reach out for anything or anyone familiar.
Like a drowning man grabbing a life preserver.
God only knows.
He was oozing loneliness.
Everyone in the car where he was started sobbing halfway through our conversation.
They all felt so alone, disconnected.
There were twelve of them.
[He knows every one of their names. But he'll leave that out.]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-18 10:52 pm (UTC)Anyway.
Which car and what time?
I can do follow up.
Is he all right?
Unharmed?
What did he say besides that?
Any updates from home?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-18 11:00 pm (UTC)You don't need to follow up.
I can just give you their names.
[He lists off twelve names and descriptions, hating that it comes to him with such easy and intense clarity.]
He looks like he hasn't been eating.
Or sleeping.
I don't know what exactly Peter's been doing to him.
What their 'deal' was.
He has to be stressed.
We didn't talk terribly much.
I'm not supposed to talk to him.
And he won't tell me what's going on at home.
I told him he could contact you if he needed something, though.
I can give you money if he needs it for something.
Or permission to buy things, himself.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-19 12:27 am (UTC)But fine.
I'll see if I can get a Statement or two.
[ Written, but that needn't be said. ]
So basically, the same as you.
Stressed, not eating, not sleeping.
Not talking to people.
Seems to be a running theme.
He's not going to reach out to me.
You know that, right?
He doesn't even know who I am.
And no, don't give me money for him.
He probably won't allow that either.
I'll try to find him and talk to him and
see how he wants to proceed.
I'm guessing he's a Sub by your description.
I'll help him out.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-19 12:55 am (UTC)I can't eat.
It's not exactly a choice.
[Never mind that he sometimes neglected food when he could eat.]
Yes, he's a Submissive.
He's about 5'8", thinish, but still sort of round and soft-looking.
Big brown eyes that follow you trying to figure out what you need so he can fuss over you.
Long lashes.
Caucasian, freckles, curly brown hair.
Dresses like he's a pensioner on a very tight fixed income.
[Jon might have no room to speak when it comes to discussing how other people dress like old people.]
And if he hasn't got hold of the Lonely inside him, you'll feel him well before you see him.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-19 01:13 am (UTC)That's my point.
I'm not stupid.
[ And she is already Done with this, because it's really clear that Jon cares very much for Martin but is in some kind of ultimate denial, and she's not interested in that. ]
Long lashes.
Really??
Shouldn't be hard to find him, provided he doesn't fuck me up.
You should text him, you know.
Establish a lifeline again.
And he should be pretty aware of how fucked up Duplicity is.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-19 01:16 am (UTC)But I'd appreciate it if you could be a little less observant.
[Deflecting with sarcastic humor? Deflecting with sarcastic humor. Also ignoring her parroting that particular line. Maybe it was a mistake to be quite so specific.]
I don't know what his username is.
I gave him mine.
He might contact me.
Maybe.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-19 01:18 am (UTC)If I was less useful, you'd ditch me and find someone else.
There's a directory, you know?
But then, it's not unheard of that it wouldn't be listed.
I'll go down to the apartments to find him.
I'll slip him a note so he doesn't think I'm a fucking creep.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-19 01:21 am (UTC)Possibly.
[Don't sass him if you don't want to be sassed back, Ava.]
I didn't realize, actually.
[Admittedly, for a millennial, he's not always the best with technology. Jon would like to tell himself that's the Eye's influence on him. But it's... not.]
Trust me, he's used to creepy.
Jane Prentiss spent weeks stalking him before she attacked the Institute.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-19 01:39 am (UTC)So I should expect another Molotov to the face or a CO2 extinguisher.
Swell.
I'll keep it in mind.
So how do YOU feel about all of this?
Are YOU okay?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-19 01:44 am (UTC)No.
I'm sorry.
And I'm fine.
Martin's going to be the one with trouble here if he can't get the Lonely under control.
He was good with people before I went away after the Unknowing.
Everything changed after.
Or it was changed.
I suppose life goes on without you.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-19 01:48 am (UTC)I don't want your apologies. I know you're sorry.
I want you to keep me in the loop next time.
We have an opportunity here to help you. To help Martin.
Don't hide shit from me.
I'm not useful to you if I'm dead.
Martin made a choice, Jon.
Why he did it, I don't know.
But it's his choice.
Just like it's his choice to love you and tell you that's how he feels.
And you had to get the Eye under control, too.
This isn't just about him.
Let me try to help him.
I'll try to pave your way to get him safe.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-19 02:02 am (UTC)Not until after I'd hurt you.
I've never been cursed before.
What was I supposed to tell you?
Some teenager kidnapped me after work for HUNTR and dragged me into an alley before teleporting away when I did my 'spooky eye' things at him?
Or that I was teleported out of the Gray Room after being found by its proprietor and told to get out?
It didn't seem like there was anything wrong.
Maybe the start of the curses were delayed because of the Beholding?
And he did it because Peter Lukas is holding an axe over everyone at the Institute.
Martin feels responsible for other people.
He always has.
Whether he should or not.
Christ, he got split up from me and Tim when Prentiss attacked and spent days apologizing to me over and over again for it.
He made the choice that sacrifices himself for everyone else.
Which is massively stupid, of course.
He is when he's not being shockingly clever and competent.
God, but when he is stupid, it's absolutely infuriating.
He should be smarter than that.
I know he is.
He can make better choices.
I've seen it.
[That might be a bit of a rant, but...]
Just let me know if you need anything to help him, all right?
Or if you need it.
The Lonely isn't a thing to be trifled with any more than the Beholding.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-19 02:08 am (UTC)Wow. So hard.
We might not have had any good answers, but I would have been aware of what's happening.
For someone who is bound to an entity of knowledge, I'd think that would make sense to you. Having the knowledge to understand things, prepare, and fight them.
But that isn't the point.
I'm not mad at you.
Oh, yeah, I can't imagine what it's like to hear someone wanting to sacrifice themselves for the supposed good of others.
Can't even imagine it.
Maybe it's because he felt like he loved someone enough to try to help them.
Or that they were more important than him.
Hmm.
I'll let you know what happens, one way or another.
I promise.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-19 02:12 am (UTC)I suppose I should tell you about the people I fed from.
[He really doesn't want to do that.]
But I did speak to a legitimate therapist about it.
That's why I bought a pocketknife.
So, I can try to avoid doing it again.
[And he's just going to pointedly skim right over the rest of that commentary...]
Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-19 02:15 am (UTC)That would be helpful, so I know who to protect you from when they come after you with pitchforks and try to murder you this time.
[ Christ, Jon. ]
Yes, the pocketknife to stab yourself with.
Because harming yourself for other people is a great alternative.
This is what I'm talking about.
But I'll leave it for now.
I really don't want to yell at you but seriously, we need to think up a better game plan.
You need to learn self-control.
Or limiting in a healthy manner.
It's fine. I want to help him.
Let's just hope this goes okay.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-19 02:26 am (UTC)It should be effective if I'm weak, at least.
That's what matters.
Self-control can come now I can actually read Statements again.
The first was a Vanessa Ives.
I texted her to apologize and warned her to keep away from me.
She seemed to agree with that.
The second was Vash.
He followed me after and demanded I let him help me.
He's sent along a written Statement and plans to continue.
The third was Dorian Gray.
I, um... it was payback for when he attacked me for HUNTR.
The fourth was Zexion.
That was payback, too.
He tried to steal one of my Statements.
Then he stole my lighter.
Then he used some sort of magic to silence me and hold me on the floor with ice when I went to get it back.
The fifth was a man named Judar.
He's a magi--some sort of magician.
He encased us in ice after and made it... very clear I shouldn't do that again.
The sixth was a young man named Tim Drake.
I think he's some sort of crime fighter.
The seventh was another young man named Noah Czerny.
He's dead.
Was dead.
Or will be.
He doesn't work in linear time after he was murdered on a ley line.
Those all happened after hell.
Within about a, um... two week period.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-19 02:30 am (UTC)Fucking hell, Jon.
Seven people in two weeks?!
And you couldn't stop?
You seriously, 100%, couldn't stop yourself???
no subject
Date: 2019-08-19 02:32 am (UTC)I swear I tried for some of them.
I mean, not for Dorian or Zexion.
But the others.
I promise.
I just stepped out of the museum to go home or to get a drink.
And they were just there.
Like they were waiting for me.
I tried to tell Vash.
I tried to make him run away, but he wouldn't.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-19 02:37 am (UTC)You sound like a new vampire.
Or a Thin Blood.
[ ...Wait. Wait, hold on. She might be on to something. ]
When you were back home, what did you do most of the time?
Did you ever go out?
Did you ever hang out with anyone that wasn't archival staff?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-19 02:41 am (UTC)The staff would sometimes go out for drinks after work.
I didn't really join them much.
Maybe a few times.
It's awkward having your boss out with you, isn't it?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-19 02:43 am (UTC)Just leave the Institute and go home?
Or go shopping?
After the Unknowing, I mean.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-19 02:53 am (UTC)There were three of them there.
If that's what you're asking.
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