Yeah but he cares about you. He has feelings for you. It's probably super awkward for him. I get where you're coming from, though. I know you just want to help him.
[ Christ. She needs to just be clear about this. ]
No, Jon, I-- I mean, yeah, that's part of it but. Jon, I don't know if I want to join the Institute as staff. At least, not on a contract or on paper.
[He might not have said anything, but he'd been right there with them.]
Sorry. Let me know what you find in Veracity. And no need to wait for me to go to Insincerity if you're keen. I'll find my way there. It might be good to have multiple accounts. Different times and experiences.
This isn't about you. I'm not rejecting you. I just need time to think about this and yeah, I need to really consider what this is going to do to me. And that's fair. You know that's fair. That doesn't mean I don't want to be there for you Or to be your friend Or to help you with your work. It just means that right this moment, I don't want to sign a contract and sign myself away. Please understand there's a difference.
Georgie had a point. But the point isn't "abandon Jon". The point, for me, is that I want to help you but I also need to find a balance that keeps me safe.
I didn't say it isn't fair. Forgive me for assuming you wanted a little distance. I've told you before you should have it. You keep insisting. Is that a good idea, Ava? You already read a Statement. The Eye has its attention on you. Being around me is going to make that worse, not better. And it's very good at getting what it wants in the end. I don't want to put you in that danger if you're not going to have some sort of shield from it. If you can find some other way, I'm all ears. But distance is the best ways to be able to legitimately step back. I'm not saying we can never talk again. It just might be best not to meet for a little while. And find something else to do apart from help with the Statements. Maybe the Eye will get bored and stop paying attention to you that way. We can still text. I'll still tell you when things have happened. I just want to legitimately give you the space to find that balance. The Beholding won't let you, otherwise.
How is it a shield if the Beholding still has me in the end? Whether I choose to sign the papers or not, in the end, it's the same. The only difference is you stop seeing me in your nightmares and I stop seeing you.
I don't know what that balance is going to look like but I also know that me disappearing and not seeing you isn't going to especially help you, either.
If you think the distance will help, then we can try it.
[ She just feels like it's too akin to giving up on finding a solution, and she doubts he's going to loop her in if she's not around. ]
I think you should do what you honestly believe is best for you, Ava. As you said, this isn't about me. I'll manage, either way. We all make choices. I want you to be certain of the one you're making. Knowing what you know. There is some protection the Eye offers. Critical knowledge or insight it could grant you in a moment of need. And yes, you'd stop having the nightmares. Yours aren't the only ones I visit whenever I fall asleep. That's my circuit. What everyone is experiencing right now? Walking through each others' dreams? That's just what I do.
[ She doesn't have anything to say to the rest of it. She doesn't know what's best for her. She doesn't even know what she's going to do with herself. There's no clear-cut answer...but it was never on Jon to give that to her in the first place.
The next reply is long in coming. But eventually, she sends a message. ]
I'll think about it. Text me if you need me. I'll still go with you to Insincerity if you want. But we'll just try this for now.
[His chest and throat tighten. He's losing her. He's going to lose her to good sense and better people. Better choices. That shouldn't hurt as much as it does.]
You, too, Ava. I'll let you know if I decide to head over there. It might take me a while with these files.
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winterfish
no subject
Date: 2019-08-29 03:18 am (UTC)He has feelings for you.
It's probably super awkward for him.
I get where you're coming from, though.
I know you just want to help him.
[ Christ. She needs to just be clear about this. ]
No, Jon, I--
I mean, yeah, that's part of it but.
Jon, I don't know if I want to join the Institute as staff.
At least, not on a contract or on paper.
...Wait, what do you mean by 'circuit'?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-29 03:26 am (UTC)Oh.
Georgie's right, I suppose.
[He might not have said anything, but he'd been right there with them.]
Sorry.
Let me know what you find in Veracity.
And no need to wait for me to go to Insincerity if you're keen.
I'll find my way there.
It might be good to have multiple accounts.
Different times and experiences.
[He just sort of assumes she wants the distance.]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-29 03:30 am (UTC)Jon.
Knock it the fuck off.
Right now.
This isn't about you.
I'm not rejecting you.
I just need time to think about this and yeah,
I need to really consider what this is going
to do to me.
And that's fair.
You know that's fair.
That doesn't mean I don't want to be there for you
Or to be your friend
Or to help you with your work.
It just means that right this moment, I don't want
to sign a contract and sign myself away.
Please understand there's a difference.
Georgie had a point.
But the point isn't "abandon Jon".
The point, for me, is that I want to help you
but I also need to find a balance that keeps
me safe.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-29 03:38 am (UTC)Forgive me for assuming you wanted a little distance.
I've told you before you should have it.
You keep insisting.
Is that a good idea, Ava?
You already read a Statement.
The Eye has its attention on you.
Being around me is going to make that worse, not better.
And it's very good at getting what it wants in the end.
I don't want to put you in that danger if you're not going to have some sort of shield from it.
If you can find some other way, I'm all ears.
But distance is the best ways to be able to legitimately step back.
I'm not saying we can never talk again.
It just might be best not to meet for a little while.
And find something else to do apart from help with the Statements.
Maybe the Eye will get bored and stop paying attention to you that way.
We can still text.
I'll still tell you when things have happened.
I just want to legitimately give you the space to find that balance.
The Beholding won't let you, otherwise.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-29 03:45 am (UTC)Whether I choose to sign the papers or not, in the end, it's the same.
The only difference is you stop seeing me in your nightmares
and I stop seeing you.
I don't know what that balance is going to look like
but I also know that me disappearing and not seeing you
isn't going to especially help you, either.
If you think the distance will help, then we can try it.
[ She just feels like it's too akin to giving up on finding a solution, and she doubts he's going to loop her in if she's not around. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-29 03:55 am (UTC)As you said, this isn't about me.
I'll manage, either way.
We all make choices.
I want you to be certain of the one you're making.
Knowing what you know.
There is some protection the Eye offers.
Critical knowledge or insight it could grant you in a moment of need.
And yes, you'd stop having the nightmares.
Yours aren't the only ones I visit whenever I fall asleep.
That's my circuit.
What everyone is experiencing right now?
Walking through each others' dreams?
That's just what I do.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-29 04:19 am (UTC)[ She doesn't have anything to say to the rest of it. She doesn't know what's best for her. She doesn't even know what she's going to do with herself. There's no clear-cut answer...but it was never on Jon to give that to her in the first place.
The next reply is long in coming. But eventually, she sends a message. ]
I'll think about it.
Text me if you need me.
I'll still go with you to Insincerity if you want.
But we'll just try this for now.
I'm sorry.
Please take care, Jon.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-29 04:23 am (UTC)You, too, Ava.
I'll let you know if I decide to head over there.
It might take me a while with these files.