It... was when I first got here, I promise. [He laughs under his breath just remembering how clueless he'd been back then. The modern city infrastructure did not come easily to a man from Thedas.
He slid an arm behind Ava, over her shoulder, cradling her close and tilting his head to rest against her. His other hand reached for hers, lacing his fingers, and he nodded.]
Thank you. I can't tell you how much it means to have you beside me.
[There's a few seconds of silence, and he exhales shakily.]
Well. Yes, actually, I can. And I want to. I've been thinking, Ava, and I don't...
[Hmmm. Well. That's not true, is it?]
I do know why I haven't told you. And I think it's the same for you. We're both afraid of hurting each other. But not saying it doesn't mean it's not there.
[He rests his forehead against her and closes his eyes.]
You're very important to me. I care about you. I-- love you. And I want you to hear me say it.
Hawke curls an arm around her and she tucks in close to him, sliding an arm around him in return to hug him. Her hand eventually finds his, holding it, and she rests against him for a time while he speaks. But she starts to hear...something creeping into his voice, and she looks up at him when he says, I do know why I haven't told you.
Alarm bells are going off. Hawke sets his forehead to her own and Ava looks up into his face, eyes a little wide with uncertainty.
There's a small, sharp intake of breath. She frowns. ]
You... You shouldn't.
[ Love her. But she said the same. So does he mean he...just loves her or-- ]
Hawke. I don't want anything to happen to you.
[ Ava, how do those two thoughts go together...? ]
[She's been saying that since the moment they met. He shouldn't get close. He shouldn't be near her. He shouldn't stay with her. He shouldn't be friendly with her. But all those ships sailed ages ago.]
I know you're dangerous. I know your life is complicated. And I know you don't want people close to you to be hurt. [He tilts his head so he can look her in the eyes, a soft and vulnerable smile on his face.] It's the same reasons I'm afraid for you. I'm all those things too. And if I was smart, I wouldn't take the risk, but...
["I'm not smart" isn't quite the sentiment here, but the silence should say everything.]
But that's how I feel. I care about you, so much. Pretending I don't won't change it.
[ Maybe there was a point to those things? Hawke wants to insist he's dangerous and he is but not for the same reasons. He's a powerful mage. She's a bloodsucker. She's a monster. One wrong wake up in the morning could get her draining him dry. It's not fair to him.
Ava frowns deeply. ]
You aren't dumb, Hawke. You act like you are and you might try to convince people you are, but you're not.
[ And she knows better. But this...isn't fully about her. Hawke's wearing that smile that makes her heart melt, and she frowns again, sighing, putting her arms around him to hug him. ]
I just don't want you to get hurt. You're all I have.
[She's gotten to the point where she can see through him that easily. Is it any wonder he's catching feelings for her?
He holds her tight against him, stroking her hair with his palm.]
So are you.
I can't... promise anything. Neither can you. That's just the way this blighted place works. So I won't ask you for anything you can't give.
I can promise that I'll do whatever I can to stay safe. To stay with you, no matter what happens. And whatever you want to offer me... I'll take it. I just want to stay with you.
[ Ava allows him to fold his arms around her and she leans into his touch, into his warmth, and rests her head on his shoulder. She breathes him in with a breath she needn't take, closing her eyes for a moment. Then, quietly: ]
I'll do whatever is necessary to keep you safe...and to keep myself out of trouble. [ Mostly. ] And I won't leave you. Not 'til long after my second death, if it comes to it.
[That's more than he expected he'd get from her. He was quite honestly expecting a brush-off. It would have hurt as bad as anything ever has hurt him, but he'd understand where it was coming from and why.
Instead, she promises to stay with him. She can no doubt feel the way his breath hitches, and his arms tighten around her.]
Thank you. And neither am I. I'll be right here with you, as long as I possibly can.
Not because of Hawke. Hawke is being truthful, is trying his best. But she doesn't believe that he'll be able to stay with her. She supposes she shouldn't expect it to be a long time...but any time is better than none. Ava nods, turns, and kisses his cheek. ]
I will be too. And... I'm sorry I always say I worry. Or that I think you're better off not being near me. I'll try not to say it.
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He slid an arm behind Ava, over her shoulder, cradling her close and tilting his head to rest against her. His other hand reached for hers, lacing his fingers, and he nodded.]
Thank you. I can't tell you how much it means to have you beside me.
[There's a few seconds of silence, and he exhales shakily.]
Well. Yes, actually, I can. And I want to. I've been thinking, Ava, and I don't...
[Hmmm. Well. That's not true, is it?]
I do know why I haven't told you. And I think it's the same for you. We're both afraid of hurting each other. But not saying it doesn't mean it's not there.
[He rests his forehead against her and closes his eyes.]
You're very important to me. I care about you. I-- love you. And I want you to hear me say it.
no subject
Hawke curls an arm around her and she tucks in close to him, sliding an arm around him in return to hug him. Her hand eventually finds his, holding it, and she rests against him for a time while he speaks. But she starts to hear...something creeping into his voice, and she looks up at him when he says, I do know why I haven't told you.
Alarm bells are going off. Hawke sets his forehead to her own and Ava looks up into his face, eyes a little wide with uncertainty.
There's a small, sharp intake of breath. She frowns. ]
You... You shouldn't.
[ Love her. But she said the same. So does he mean he...just loves her or-- ]
Hawke. I don't want anything to happen to you.
[ Ava, how do those two thoughts go together...? ]
no subject
[She's been saying that since the moment they met. He shouldn't get close. He shouldn't be near her. He shouldn't stay with her. He shouldn't be friendly with her. But all those ships sailed ages ago.]
I know you're dangerous. I know your life is complicated. And I know you don't want people close to you to be hurt. [He tilts his head so he can look her in the eyes, a soft and vulnerable smile on his face.] It's the same reasons I'm afraid for you. I'm all those things too. And if I was smart, I wouldn't take the risk, but...
["I'm not smart" isn't quite the sentiment here, but the silence should say everything.]
But that's how I feel. I care about you, so much. Pretending I don't won't change it.
no subject
Ava frowns deeply. ]
You aren't dumb, Hawke. You act like you are and you might try to convince people you are, but you're not.
[ And she knows better. But this...isn't fully about her. Hawke's wearing that smile that makes her heart melt, and she frowns again, sighing, putting her arms around him to hug him. ]
I just don't want you to get hurt. You're all I have.
no subject
[She's gotten to the point where she can see through him that easily. Is it any wonder he's catching feelings for her?
He holds her tight against him, stroking her hair with his palm.]
So are you.
I can't... promise anything. Neither can you. That's just the way this blighted place works. So I won't ask you for anything you can't give.
I can promise that I'll do whatever I can to stay safe. To stay with you, no matter what happens. And whatever you want to offer me... I'll take it. I just want to stay with you.
no subject
I'll do whatever is necessary to keep you safe...and to keep myself out of trouble. [ Mostly. ] And I won't leave you. Not 'til long after my second death, if it comes to it.
[ Wow, this is a little strong. ]
I'm not going anywhere, Hawke. I've got you.
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Instead, she promises to stay with him. She can no doubt feel the way his breath hitches, and his arms tighten around her.]
Thank you. And neither am I. I'll be right here with you, as long as I possibly can.
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Not because of Hawke. Hawke is being truthful, is trying his best. But she doesn't believe that he'll be able to stay with her. She supposes she shouldn't expect it to be a long time...but any time is better than none. Ava nods, turns, and kisses his cheek. ]
I will be too. And... I'm sorry I always say I worry. Or that I think you're better off not being near me. I'll try not to say it.